On Molestaches, Bed-Beard, and Saloons

Periodically throughout the Middle East you see the posters of the leaders. In some places, like Syria, they're EVERYWHERE. At first it's kind of eerie, but after awhile, you start to become somewhat attached. During my month in Syria back in 2007, Mr. Bashar al Asad became like a father figure, a reassuring presence. You even want to emulate them. Not by becoming a mildly paranoid dictator, but through their style. I briefly flirted with copying the Syriastache:












Maybe it's the blondness, but I didn't think the molestache works on me. Of course, now I'm in Dubai, there's a different breed of leaders whose pictures adorn the freeway billboards. Here what's fashionable isn't molestaches but beards. Manly DuBeards like that worn by Sheikh Mohammed, or "Sheikh Mo" as we respectfully like to refer to our fearless leader.

Now I had never in my 28 years successfuly grown a full beard. I had pulled off the goatee and the Fu Man Chu "Trucker-stache," but never the full beard. But I wanted to give it a try. At first, I think I did okay:

Not bad, especially with magic aviator glasses which make anybody look cool. Cops pull over for ME when I put them on.

Now eventually beards outgrow themselves. However, having one is like being in a relationship which you know is not good for you. The longer you're in, the worse it gets, but the harder it is to emotionally let yourself get out. In your head you know you should cut the rope, but you can't bear to actually do it. The beard starts getting curly and gross, but you've put so much in and you keep hoping you can work something out!

Until one morning you wake up and look in the mirror and are so shocked by what you see that it spurs you to action. I didn't know one could get "bed-beard!" Maybe not as creepy as the "molestache" but still pretty bad.

Fortunately, I'm in Dude-bai, which is full of "Saloons" where you can go to get your (facial) hair done.

Now "saloons" in Dude-bai are not the seedy establishments of the Wild West where you can get in a shoot out and drink whiskey. No, these are places of high fashion, places that manage to combine tackiness and style in a way that the city excels. You can't help but be drawn in:

Of course the men's is wide open but the women's is covered. Anywhere else if you saw a "Ladies Saloon" with opaque windows you'd assume it a place of ill repute, but I actually think that the "Instyle Modern Ladies Saloon" is actually quality establishment to get one's hair done.

Let's just take a moment and admire the fine models they get to advertise these places.
Cuz you know the ladies want to get a haircut where they can't see through the hair. Let's get a close up on that bombshell, who vaguely resembles a brunette Lady Gaga.

Of course what I was interested in was not the women's hairstyles, I wanted to look like a man. Like this guy preferably, because who doesn't miss Zack from "Saved by the Bell?"Who knew that Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell had a doppleganger? This is awesome. Zack Morris, is, after all, a superhero.

Of course, that would mean I'd have to grow my hair out, and we all know how that worked out circa 2001:

No I didn't have time to go for the Zack look, but fortunately, at the bottom of my building, is the "Hair Fiesta." What better way to honor Cinco de Mayo?Fiesta indeed. Shaving's never been so fun and smooth as with a for reals straight blade razor.

So what's next? No Asad Syriastache and no Sheikh Mo DuBeard. Perhaps instead of the Sheikh, perhaps I should go with the "Chic" photos that adorn the major roads in Dubai. Crown Prince Hamdan, perhaps, the heartthrob of all Emirati ladies?

Sigh...