On Molestaches, Bed-Beard, and Saloons

Periodically throughout the Middle East you see the posters of the leaders. In some places, like Syria, they're EVERYWHERE. At first it's kind of eerie, but after awhile, you start to become somewhat attached. During my month in Syria back in 2007, Mr. Bashar al Asad became like a father figure, a reassuring presence. You even want to emulate them. Not by becoming a mildly paranoid dictator, but through their style. I briefly flirted with copying the Syriastache:












Maybe it's the blondness, but I didn't think the molestache works on me. Of course, now I'm in Dubai, there's a different breed of leaders whose pictures adorn the freeway billboards. Here what's fashionable isn't molestaches but beards. Manly DuBeards like that worn by Sheikh Mohammed, or "Sheikh Mo" as we respectfully like to refer to our fearless leader.

Now I had never in my 28 years successfuly grown a full beard. I had pulled off the goatee and the Fu Man Chu "Trucker-stache," but never the full beard. But I wanted to give it a try. At first, I think I did okay:

Not bad, especially with magic aviator glasses which make anybody look cool. Cops pull over for ME when I put them on.

Now eventually beards outgrow themselves. However, having one is like being in a relationship which you know is not good for you. The longer you're in, the worse it gets, but the harder it is to emotionally let yourself get out. In your head you know you should cut the rope, but you can't bear to actually do it. The beard starts getting curly and gross, but you've put so much in and you keep hoping you can work something out!

Until one morning you wake up and look in the mirror and are so shocked by what you see that it spurs you to action. I didn't know one could get "bed-beard!" Maybe not as creepy as the "molestache" but still pretty bad.

Fortunately, I'm in Dude-bai, which is full of "Saloons" where you can go to get your (facial) hair done.

Now "saloons" in Dude-bai are not the seedy establishments of the Wild West where you can get in a shoot out and drink whiskey. No, these are places of high fashion, places that manage to combine tackiness and style in a way that the city excels. You can't help but be drawn in:

Of course the men's is wide open but the women's is covered. Anywhere else if you saw a "Ladies Saloon" with opaque windows you'd assume it a place of ill repute, but I actually think that the "Instyle Modern Ladies Saloon" is actually quality establishment to get one's hair done.

Let's just take a moment and admire the fine models they get to advertise these places.
Cuz you know the ladies want to get a haircut where they can't see through the hair. Let's get a close up on that bombshell, who vaguely resembles a brunette Lady Gaga.

Of course what I was interested in was not the women's hairstyles, I wanted to look like a man. Like this guy preferably, because who doesn't miss Zack from "Saved by the Bell?"Who knew that Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell had a doppleganger? This is awesome. Zack Morris, is, after all, a superhero.

Of course, that would mean I'd have to grow my hair out, and we all know how that worked out circa 2001:

No I didn't have time to go for the Zack look, but fortunately, at the bottom of my building, is the "Hair Fiesta." What better way to honor Cinco de Mayo?Fiesta indeed. Shaving's never been so fun and smooth as with a for reals straight blade razor.

So what's next? No Asad Syriastache and no Sheikh Mo DuBeard. Perhaps instead of the Sheikh, perhaps I should go with the "Chic" photos that adorn the major roads in Dubai. Crown Prince Hamdan, perhaps, the heartthrob of all Emirati ladies?

Sigh...

Curtis Goes Fashionista

Nobody has ever accused me of being overly fashion conscious. I mean, I hardly remember clothes. My mom gave me the same button down shirt three Christmases in a row because I kept leaving it my closet, unworn. Not that I didn't like the shirt, it's just that clothes don't occupy a very large spot in my brain.

However, just because I’m not into fashion generally speaking doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize AMAZING fashion sense when I see it. And Dubai is full of it. Just take this chap: neon yellow shoes with matching neon yellow shirt. I won’t even comment on the fact that he has a hoodie vest with fur lining on it, the matching yellow is enough to make me want to stand up and clap.

I mean, this is beyond stylish. This isn’t tacky, it’s “OMG is he serious or joking? Cuz I hope he is serious!” However, Mr. Yellow Faux Fur was one upped by the Bumblebee Twins with their matching neon yellow pants AND shoes. Twinners, just on a little man date, rockin’ out in skinny yellow jeans at the Mall of the Emirates.

Yellow is apparently in style here. Even some of the robes come in it:

Then, of course, there was The Man with Golden Pants and Golden Shirt and Golden Shoes and GOLDEN MULLET. That thing is Pure Money. You stud, with your yellow everything and your posse of women.

Of coures, it's not just yellow. It's anything colorful. This mulletman went with all white, except for the lime green shoes. I applaud him.

However, nothing compared to the breathtaking trifecta of matching shirt/shoe combos : a trifecta of matching shirt/shoe combos, Pink, Purple, Blue.

Inspired. All of these, with the exception of the Golden Mullet, were captured in about a five minute span at the Mall of the Emirates. I felt like I was witnessing a fashion revolution. But where do they get these clothes? Recently I found it: a ghettofabulous market-place-cum-shopping center called Karama. It specializes in being cheap, tacky, and good for a laugh. It is a place where East meets West to produce some bizarre twists on globalization. All the stores, for example, are named after Western cities:

Among the various treasures to be found in this amazing place are “Tough” handbags, Super Mario boxers, and vintage NBA jerseys from the 1990s:

Good to see Scottie Pippen lives on. My favorite, however, was the Obama Buckle. Who says Arabs hate America?:

Here, in this treasure trove, I found what I was a looking for. A veritable carnival of chromatic cornucopia. The colorful shoes:
The colorful pants: Of course, I soon discovered that the lure of the skinny yellow jeans went way beyond the aesthetic appeal. Read the label: “The Original Military First Men’s Jeans: Brand Good Feeling Let’s Have a Good Workout Super Design FM”

I mean, who can resist here? There’s something in that for every one: Design, Comfort, Working Out, implied Military strength durability.

I was hooked. Rarely do I feel the shopaholic compulsion to buy something where I feel like I have no choice, but this was once occasion. Then, of course, I had to complete the outfit, so I bought matching purple pants and purple shoes. Then I sat back and let the Original Military First Men’s Jeans work their magic.
It didn't take long.
Booyah! Who’s got a Brand Good Feeling now?

Rwanda Rweekend

I know some of you felt sorry for me after my post last week, but rest assured, my life is pretty sweet. Exhibit A: What I did over the weekend on January 29-30, 2010. I only have 3 things to say about it:

1. Tracking wild gorillas in the mountains of Rwanda is INCREDIBLE

2. Baby gorillas are really cute while 800 pound Don Corleone Daddy Gorilla is freakin huge

3. To my mother: sorry I didn't tell you that I was going to do this, I didn't want you to worry and I only decided to go a few days before